Airline state of mind
Finding this mindset amidst all the responsibility
Last week after receiving an urgent phone call about my mom, I flew home to Michigan. I spent much of last week with her and arranging for care. Since returning to New York I've been focusing on strengthening my own well-being: making myself yummy food, stretching, taking long walks. Given all of this, a half-written edition lies waiting. I haven’t quite figured out what I want to say about that topic so I'll share it at another time.
Last week as all of this was going on I kept thinking about the recent Leaders Unscripted episode with Nivia Henry, Director of Engineering at Spotify. Like me, Nivia has been taking care of her parent though she does it while leading a team creating an innovative new product.
We talked about something I call airline state of mind. It's the idea that we have to put our own oxygen masks on before helping others. Just like the airlines instruct you to do in an emergency. It's acknowledging that we can't help others if we don't help ourselves.
Here are a couple of gems from Nivia:
"When I don't have any more space I’ll go on Slack and put an empty battery as my status and say, "I need a few." That's code for I'm out, I need a moment. I'm going to go sit in the quiet room or go walk in my woods."
"Put on that oxygen mask first. Make time. It might not be today, there will be tough days but the days that aren't tough you've got to make the time. You've got to make the time for yourself to replenish your own cup."
Leading can be more than a full-time job. It can feel difficult to turn work off. Finding the balance between being a human and the responsibility of the role can be tricky. As leaders we feel great responsibility to take care of others -- this can lead us to deprioritize our own needs. Perhaps reasonable in the short-term but long-term, can lead to being unable to be effective in our role.
Eventually, we burn out.
While this isn't a new topic, it's especially relevant right now. Given the macroeconomic environment companies are trying to do more with less. This adds stress to teams — and to leaders. It's easy to let our own well-being drop to the bottom of the list. You know, the items we never seem to get to.
I hear these dilemmas from leaders every week.
"My schedule is packed but I feel obligated to attend all of these meetings. If I say no I feel like I’ll be letting others down."
“It’s sink or swim right now. The pressure is enormous.”
"I want to take care of the team’s needs but I can’t keep going like this.”
“I need to offload some of my work to make space but I’m not sure what to delegate.”
“I have a policy of no-meeting Fridays but every week it seems there’s another urgent issue that needs my attention.”
When the pressure is on and things are going haywire, we might be tempted to do more, and try to meet all the needs of the team.
One of the best ways to fail as a leader is to not take care of yourself.
Being selfless and being a leader are incompatible.
You have to find the balance between the responsibility to the org and your needs. You have to put your mask on first so you can help others. That means understanding what you need, building time in your schedule for your well-being, figuring out what to delegate, setting priorities — and sticking to them, and learning to say no and not feel guilt.
Making space for yourself allows you to handle the rigors of the role, make well-reasoned decisions, and be resilient in the face of numerous challenges.
Make sure you don’t let your own well-being slip off your priority list, especially when things feel uncertain and chaotic.
PODCAST EPISODE OF THE WEEK
This week’s episode is a conversation with Jessica Zwaan, COO of Whereby. We both made the leap from people to COO so it was wonderful to talk with someone else who’s made this transition. We spoke about why People leaders can make great COOs, the multi-faceted role of COO, the risks execs have to take, what it was like bringing the Whereby team along after a pivot, and treating your culture like a subscription product.
Jessica’s idea of treating your culture like a subscription product is brilliant. She’s even written a book about it, Built for People. If you’re interested in what it’s like to transition into the COO role or hear how Jessica builds strong organizational culture, you’ll want to tune into episode 14 of Leaders Unscripted.
Here’s a small snippet from our conversation.
You can read my conversation with Jessica here.
As always, thank you for your support of this substack and the leaders featured! You can read all of the past interviews and learn more about how Constellary supports companies and leaders here.
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