Six conversations that stuck with me
They might stay with you too
Memory is a curious creature that I don’t always understand. For example, some things float through my head without leaving a trace like people’s birth dates while, others lodge themselves inside the membrane. This edition explores a few things that I can’t seem to forget.
These conversations center on my favorite topics: self awareness, emotions, vulnerability, inclusivity, and relationships. Each relates to leadership in some way. When I say conversation, I use that word loosely. While some were live conversations, others were asynchronous like watching a video. One of these conversation wasn’t even verbal, others took place inside my head. The criteria was that it felt like a conversation and they left an indelible imprint on my brain.
1) The nature of memory
When I was living in Boulder, I became part of a women in tech group where I met Tara Calihman who’s still a dear friend years later. Every time we talk, we trade recommendations. That’s how I discovered Heavyweight. I listen to it while I make ginger scones or a frittata. The show features the story of someone wrestling with their past. The host Jonathan tracks down the people with hopes of finding answers and if they’re lucky, a sense of closure. These episodes explore how we think about our past decisions, how we grapple with events that dented our souls, and how we find a way to move on. These episodes linger long after they end. One of my favorites explores the nature of memory and the roles we play in relationships. If you’ve ever had a difference of opinions about a shared memory, you’ll love this episode.
2) The dynamics of emotional contagion
This video is the perfect demonstration of the dynamics of emotional contagion in communities. I mean, watch the guy in the white shirt at the 1:28 mark leap over people to get to do an awkward dance with a bunch of strangers. While I wasn’t on the hill that sunny afternoon, the scene is so vivid I can smell the stale beer, suntan lotion, and perspiration as if I were there. I find myself dancing in my chair as I watch the video over and over. That’s the power of emotional contagion.
Moods are infectious — they can drag the team down or create momentum in a way that hard work alone can’t. The best leaders and teams know how to use emotional contagion to find that sweet spot where the mood catches everyone in just the right way. At its best, emotional contagion makes us feel that flow state more powerfully, work becomes less arduous. This kind of momentum can help us start a movement or create a new market.
3) How to build a more inclusive organization
I interviewed Sheree Atcheson for the LeadDev Bookmarked series. With degrees in psychology, sociology and community organizing, human nature, I’ve thought about diversity and inclusion in communities a bunch. Talking with Sheree Atcheson took my understanding to a whole new level. Her insights stayed with me long after our talk ended. As more organizations move to hybrid cultures, we need to be more conscious about inclusion. Our interview was based on her book Demanding More, also highly recommended.
4) Navigating vulnerability as a leader
Coaching is a foreign skill when we first encounter it. During training, I was struggling with one module. In a room full of strangers, I tried to remain stoic. Unable to hold it in anymore, I finally confessed to feeling incompetent. Tears flew with abandon. I expected judgment. Instead, others shared they felt the same way. As we talked about our fears in learning this new skill, everyone started to relax. I’d accidentally discovered that vulnerability can lead to deeper connections.
Many of us struggle with vulnerability at work, especially those in leadership. I struggled with it too. Yet this form of connection can do incredible things. Vulnerability makes us more human, especially important for leaders. Opening up the messy contents inside our heads to others helps them feel less lonely — we feel less lonely too. Brené Brown’s classic Ted Talk has 54 millon views for good reason. I still re-watch it from time to time. It reminds me of the good things that come when we open ourselves up, even if it’s just a crack. This podcast interview with Brené Brown and Ted Lasso actor Brett Goldstein is delightful and addresses some of my favorite topics: leadership, vulnerability, and the power of narrative.
5) Proximity in relationships
Given my work, my mind settles on relationships often. What makes them enriching, what harms them, how we can come back together after ruptures. I’m such a big fan of Wes Anderson because he explores relationships in his films. His examination of a family experiencing grief in The Darjeeling Limited is stunning. No matter the subject, his quirky lens on the world lingers in my brain. I can’t stop thinking about this pandemic timely video montage of his work focused on physical distance in all sorts of relationships. It makes me want to map my relationships as a form of sense-making.
6) Your assets in excess become your liability
My dad was a big believer in moderation. “Your assets in excess become your liabilities” was a mantra he intoned throughout my childhood. He believed that more isn’t always more; sometimes overdoing a good thing isn't good. He talked to each of us kids about where each of us might go overboard. For me, it was being too optimistic. He worried about me not saving enough for that proverbial rainy day, overloading myself by taking on too much work, and underestimating my limitations, therefore, taking too many risks. Using his mantra, I learned to be more of a realistic optimist, still retaining my sunny outlook but adding a dash of caution.
This philosophy is woven throughout my work. It’s the underlying tenet of what I call what you have covered. Finding balance in your work style is the foundation of the Leadership Archetypes framework. What I like most about my dad’s mantra it’s a reminder of the power of self-awareness.
One last thing I can’t stop thinking about
This has been on repeat at my house. The care he takes with his shoes, the careful step only to disappear beneath the surface. It aptly describes founder’s experience stepping into start-up life. It also rings true for first time leaders.
This was inspired by David Hoang’s Talks That Shaped My Philosophies. If you enjoyed it, click the heart or leave a comment or send me a note!
Written by Suzan Bond, a leadership consultant and former COO. You can find me elsewhere on Twitter and Medium.