The Disorientation New Leaders Face
Navigating a new identity
Early in the pandemic, my husband’s favorite bakery shut down. Wanting him to have something to look forward to every day, I started making scones. Though I love to bake, I’d never made a scone. I was under the impression they were challenging to make. I scoured the shelves for the right kind of flour, sugar, and crystallized ginger. I experimented with spices. I tried different shapes and sizes. I spent hours perfecting my ginger scone recipe. Baking requires care because of chemistry and I had no idea what I was doing. Mostly it went well — except the time I forgot the sugar or that time I used coriander instead of cardamom. My partner was a good sport, dipping his scone in sugar before eating them and smiling despite the funky taste of the errant ingredient. Though I’ve baked for a long time, after this year I started calling myself a baker.
Firsts are exciting, they’re also confusing. We flop about. We don’t know what we’re doing. I remember my early days of leadership. My experience felt a lot like this, minus the sugar and the hot oven. After I left my COO role, I tried to make sense of my experience. I didn’t realize how much I’d have to change my concept of myself until after I left the role.
When moving into a leadership role, folks often grapple with its full meaning. We might understand some parts while struggling with others. We don’t recognize that our emotional displays have a bigger impact than when we had less power. Or we don’t realize how much influence our words have. As we move through imposter syndrome, we don’t see ourselves as leaders. We might see ourselves as a fraud. At the same time, our conferred title means others see us as leaders. The team watches our behavior, looks for clues on how they should behave. We’re baffled when their perception doesn’t match with how we perceive ourselves.
Being a new leader is disorienting. We thought leadership was about tasks, now we realize it’s about so much more. We have to confront how we see ourselves, how we add value. We didn’t anticipate needing to shift our identity at work. This confusion isn’t too surprising. We don’t talk about identity at work much. For most of us, it operates in the background. It’s a shame we don’t talk about it more. Identity shapes us, helps us understand our place in the world, and gives us a sense of belonging. It’s incredibly important for well-being and making sense of the world — this includes our work life.
New leaders wrestle with their identity — who we are now, how the role changes how we work, how we act, and how we understand ourselves. In our previous role, we might have been seen as one of the people. We likely had little conferred power. A leadership title changes how others see us. Our role changes from one of the people to leading people. We have to shift how we see ourselves.
We may be used to sharing our opinion without abandon. We stated them early, often, and loudly. As a team member, this may have worked ok. As leaders, our voice carries more authority. Unless careful, this behavior can squelch diverse thoughts. Unless we modulate our behavior, we create an “I’m the boss” kind of culture. This isn’t conducive to learning or the best solutions coming forward. We have to learn that we don’t always have all the answers. We have to teach ourselves to listen more.
Another example. In our past roles, we were rewarded for getting things done. We built our reputation on being able to deliver. Now, the game has changed. It’s not just what we personally deliver — leadership is about having a multiplying effect. We might have an identity as a doer or the person who ships. We may not even realize how much we’ve come to identify with delivering value in this way until it's an obstacle to team success.
New to the role, we don’t know what to keep and what to give. We become unintentional blockers. We worry delegating means we’re passing the buck or shirking responsibility. We haven’t realized yet that giving work away means focusing our energy and giving others a chance to grow by taking on new challenges.
We haven’t yet grasped that when we empower others they become more engaged, have a sense of ownership. We’re learning how to be responsible and empower others at the same time. It’s all so unfamiliar. We have no idea what we’re doing. We fumble around. We make mistakes. Not understanding how to operate our new identity, the team withers, they don’t learn to take ownership.
A successful transition means a shift in our mindset on what it means to lead. We must examine the way we see ourselves at work. We must consider who we need to be in our new role, and what the teams needs from us. We must consider the value we bring. We must ask, Who am I now? How does my role change how I interact with others? What is my value to the organization?
Then we must build a new identity — an operating system if you will — for who we are now. This is no small task. Inner changes require self-reflection. As leaders, time is one of the most precious commodities. We must be intentional about carving out space for introspection. It’s why a morning routine is so important. Wrestling with the identity of a leader consumes much of the early parts of leadership. We don’t talk about the identity shifts this work requires, so most leaders walk this path alone. Leadership becomes lonely.
Rites of passage help usher community members to the next stage of their journey. Rituals like bar and bat mitzvah, quinceañera, weddings, graduation, and retirement call attention to a change in status. These rituals help them to the leave the past behind, be conscious about the change and step into a new version of themselves. The rites of passage for leaders are typically quite thin or informal. After a new job or promotion into a leadership role, there might be an announcement and light conversation about what it means. Otherwise, the change is simply marked with a new title and a calendar invite to a leadership meeting. Leaders are left on their own to contend with and make sense of their new identity.
I recently asked leaders what kind of support they received upon starting the role. 90% of leaders received very informal support. This was a common response. The poll has a small n, still, it mirrors my experience and what leaders have told me.
Leaders need more support to make the transition. There’s more we can do to mark the transition and encourage the internal shifts needed. Consciously marking role change and supporting those making it at a company would serve everyone well. I’d love to see every new leader have a coach. I’d also love for onboarding programs designed for leaders to become the norm. I’ve been focused on making leadership teams more effective but I have some ideas for leadership on-boarding. I should get back to that soon.
Though we didn’t directly discuss identity, my conversation Jean Hsu comes to mind. The role of VP frequently shifts at a startup. As our work changes, we shift too. Coming out as non-binary, Beth Smith had to grapple with how others saw their identity. By sharing the news with the team and inviting questions this CEO helped the community mark the shift together.
Until next time,
Suzan
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